Mother's Day

 As I look around myself and begin to pack, I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of joy. Tomorrow I leave for London and will be gone three weeks. I've never left the country before, so this is just amazing for me. I keep feeling so blessed every time I settle down and breathe.

Although I feel bad for leaving on Mother's Day, and cannot properly honor the mothers in my life, I am also filled with relief. Mother's Day last year was a fiasco. I was so upset all day. I just did not feel like I deserved to be honored alongside all these amazing women who have raised some amazing people through incredible obstacles. Take Kevin Durant honoring his mom in his MVP acceptance speech. That woman went to bed hungry, got up early, sacrificed, and pushed her son to the limit so he could be the best. That is an amazing mom.

I guess if I am honest, I just do not feel like I deserve the title of 'mother.' All I did was give birth. In my own definition of the word, it is not a woman has a child, it is a woman who raises a child. Raising kids is so hard. I know I look forward to that chapter in my life, but I can honestly say I am not there yet. Nor do I want to be. I just chose to do what I thought was best. God chose us to bring her to her family, that much is obvious. I never really felt I was meant to be her mother.

However, I do find the poetic justice in my leaving on Mother's day. I'm going to research and write about other women, like myself, who chose what was best for their child. The Foundling Hospital was a place in Victorian England where women who were unwed and working class could petition to get their child in so it could be reared and raised by people equipped to do so. It was a chance for the child. I'll be looking at women between 1860 and 1870 who were Irish who tried to get their child into the Foundling, and make a personal snapshot of each woman. I will get to know these women and how they got to that point. Each of these mothers will be honored in my writing. So in a way, I'll be doing a two week long celebration of Mother's day. I cannot wait to uncover these forgotten women and their struggles.

If you are a birth mother, it is okay to be upset tomorrow. It's okay to be upset whenever you want. Being a mom is hard, but being a birth mother is painful, too. It's okay to celebrate what you've done and it's just as okay to ask that you not be included as a mother. It's a weird paradoxical thing and no one way is the right way. It's whatever makes you feel best. If you don't want to be honored, then just be sure to try and honor the other mothers in your life. You may not call them 'Mom' yourself, but they're there. Getting pregnant changes your life, no matter which path on the road you take. None of them are easy. But, if you try, all of them can change you for the better. You just have to make the choice. Happy Mother's Day.