The Paradox

There is such a paradox that comes with being a birth parent, and at times, it is we who struggle the most with it. The paradox is this: the child is mine, but I will never be hers. She is my daughter, but I will never be her mother. To her, I will be Margie, her birth mother. Never 'mom'. That will not be me. And that's a hard thing to wrap one's brain around. I would go to the ends of the Earth for the health and happiness of that little girl, and I feel at times that I already have, but she will never be able to understand that. It is such a foreign and unknown relationship, and at times, it terrifies me to have it. She is so young now, but as she ages, will she like me and Ethan? Will she thank us? Will she hate us? Will she even care who we are? I know her parents will do everything they can to make sure that her and her brother know us, but will that help? It is so scary to simply not know how she will feel about me when I love her with so very much of my heart. I pray to God that we will have a healthy relationship. That she care about us. That she may know our other children when that time comes. And I pray that God help Ethan and I understand this, and that we may do our part the way we are supposed to.